The best revenge is premature balding
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
