I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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