my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
