Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
