we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
