brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
