I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
