after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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