she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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