What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
