I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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