seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
