Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
