i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
