So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
