you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize