So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
