I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
