Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
