After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
