what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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