Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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