what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
