totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's just like the Real World with babies
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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