five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
