literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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