I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
