your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
