and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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