Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
