New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
