If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
