He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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