Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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