hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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