and you said cock pushups were impossible
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
