mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
