I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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