we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
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One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
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I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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