I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
