If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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