I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
