i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think people are normalizing furries
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
