I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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