I love black thongs
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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