One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
