She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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