Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
