Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
