dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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