OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
