If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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