Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
