eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you didnt know i had herpes?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
