my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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