i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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