Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
