OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dignity is for republicans.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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