NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
did i just pee glitter
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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