There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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