in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake