My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.