i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
