Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks