i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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