am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.