i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
