What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Pooping to opera.
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