you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i think i scared a bird with my dick
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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