ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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