Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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