I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
