So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
